hello there, th blog that no one reads. really tempted to change my url rn. but. nah. ive been living my entire life with this so imma stick to it till i die or something.

weekends are over. and it seems like it was only yesterday i knocked off work early, excited to leave for the weekends. but it makes no difference. i had another two more days off before my next working day.

saturday flew by because all i did was went to MBS fr an IT show jam packed with th entire human nation. and its not helping at th fact that, theyre gna increase th population here to 6.9million. srsly, anymore humans they add into this country and we'll sink into oblivion. and thats gna be a tragedy. and if i were to survive that catastrophe, i'd go to th government's face and start clapping my hand loudly saying. "wow, thats really sad. you lost your entire nation."
we ate seoul garden, th my boy's best buds. and we literally spent 2 hours stuffing ourselves with food. oh yeahhhhh~

sunday was impromptu baking session with sister and the boy. we baked red velvet cupcakes. okay. more like i baked them cupcakes with help form them. because i got abandoned half way through. not like i mind it or anything. because its baking.

it turned out rly nice. and for a girl who does not eat what she baked, i ate quite a few. im actually amazed myself.


and right now, i'm signing into msn talking to the dear boy. it was actually a random and crazy idea of yours truly. that we'd all log into our old dusty msn to chat for once. remember when whatsapp did not exist at all and all group chats were done online on msn. and more often than not, in school you'd hear "I SEE YOU ONLINE LATER AH!" before we left school. and it was one of the most important platform of discussion for projects and easiest way to transfer images and files. remember those good ol' times?

being the sweet boy he already is, he just agreed to it. despite him having to install in back into his computer, he did it anyways and here we are having classic convos you guys always have when there was msn. but he isnt replying me rn and im desperately nudging him. okay no. theyre not letting me send a nudge anymore. HAHA.

i've been reminiscing on my past entries. on random ones that is. because, 'aint nobody got time for that.' and wow. look at how ive matured. how ive changed. how i used to be all smiles and bubbly with occasional emotional breakdown. i write like a kid like i aint got no care in a world. how i used to think that im always right and the rebel kid who thought my parents never understood me. when i used to think love was everything i could ever have and love was enough to sustain my future.

well. take a look at me now.

i've always been afraid if my day goes along all too perfect, too afraid to be truly genuinely happy because in the end, it might take a drastic turn and i might end up crying myself to sleep. i write like i had wisdom from prof. dumbledore  [deceased] and i was never right all along, about life. and that my parents were th only ones that understand me because theyve went through much much much more in life than i have. and love does not mean everything. unless its from your family. because that love is unconditional. so we'll make that an exception. so. love does not amount to anything if falling in love is merely a change of relationship status. it cannot sustain your future because you dont graduate collage with your lover's love nor do you get paid by loving them. well if it does, i'd take that job.

i learnt that th world is a beautiful place. its never hurtful or cruel. it's the people who lives on it that makes th face of the world ugly. made it one hell of a place to be in. reality is cruel because i choose to believe it. its hard because im afraid of taking chances. and i'm stagnant because i wouldn't seize the day like its my last living breathe.  i'm hurt because i let down my defenses. i was never brave enough. never having enough courage. i'm lazy- always procrastinating. and i'm already regretting some choices i made wrong. but i'm not going to live everyday regretting, because theres many other decisions that i made right that lead me to who and what i am right now.

i'm surviving today because i choose to believe that theres more in store ahead of me. i cnt deny that sometimes i wna re-write my past. live in th time hanna was th fifteen year old girl, naive about love and my clique were all that matters to me. grades was th only thing important and money was just a teeny bit pleading and puppy dog eye away.

but what has pass is history.

well let's see how much these more these world can push me until i reached my limit. because as of now. i think if anything i got stronger from my past. even if its th slightest. i did change. and i like how my past experiences mould this hanna today.

i guess this is what they mean by
"we learn from our mistakes."

i remembered promising myself not to fall in love again because i think ive handled enough damage to myself. i struggled for years trying to fix myself back up, but th emptiness, th pain always comes back around when im all alone with my thoughts and memories over memories of my previous heartbreak. that, was a wake up call. to bring my thoughts back down to reality. that love isnt always sweet and the fact that youre always giving in. love does not work when only one is making an effort and when you find yourself crying more than smiling genuinely. love does not last forever and it can never have a fairytale ending. it will always end with a heartbreak, no matter. because GOD works in so many different ways. i used to believe love is such strong a word to be used ever so easily in conversation. that people would spat th word love easily like its oxygen they breathe in.

but when i met this man. wow. ive felt feelings ive never felt throughout my entire nineteen years living in this world. being the center of his world, being th reason he smiles th moment he sees a text from me in the morning. to be holding out his hands to me th moment im next to him. seeing how much his eyes sparkle when he looked into mine. be th first person he seek for when he's down.

i made him sound so perfect. but our relationship was never a perfect smooth sailing one. from th first time we talked, i think we advanced too fast. honestly, i think i cnt keep up. i know nothing about him and he know little about me. so we slowed down. and began to open up to each other. i learnt to trust man again. he taught me how to fall headoverheels in love. trust, love and fun brought us to places ive never thought we'd arrive. by places i dont mean it in th literal sense.

my life changed when i met him. not all that changes are good. but they arent too bad either. im still struggling to accept th fact that i lost my bestfriend th moment i fell too deep into love. and i being a stubborn girl, i choose not to say sorry for th things ive never done wrong. let's not elaborate. i find out friends that would really stay for th bad, for th worst. and that was a good feeling.

life losing friends was a really hard one. especially when i lost them because i fell in love. becaus ei found a man to be the center of my attention. someone to shower my love to. but guess what. through th tough times, those rough nights, he was there. trust me, he stayed awake almost an entire night as i cried my eyes out, devastated. he kept his silence as i sobbed to my heart content. he did not comfort me with words because he knows. all i need then was company. the fact that he'll still be there when everyone decides to leave. that was really comforting.

and a million a times, he's always telling me, convincing this girl that is scared of losing a gem she found in the mud- he's never leaving. he'll stay no matter. this man is strong. and in so many ways, he'll do his best to protect me from the world.

well now, it's basically me, him against th world. he's one hell of an honest man. he never makes promises he cant keep which lead him to making promises close to none at all. he'll say th truth if he doesnt like it. he'll say compliments only when he meant it. which is almost rare.

and he seldom calls me by my name. so every once a while when he called out my name, it felt really special. my name. "Hanna." he taught me how to cherish even th smallest things.

my parents my sister my granny love him! constantly calling him over and its really nice to see hoe nice he gets along with my family. and it sure is nice when th relationship is blessed. i never have to lie when i go out all the time.

he is the best thing that has ever happen to me yet. and i'll cherish every single moment i have with this man.

and this man goes by th name, "Deen."

let this be known from now on, i'll share almost every moment in my life with him, my family, my friends here on this blog.

this is one hell of a long comeback post.

P.S. my love for leekiseop has never faded.